There is only time for Loving

My mother passed away at age 83. My dad is still alive at 88. They were married for 65 years. I wondered how they lived this long as my Grandparents on both sides died in their sixties. I was used to see them bickering. My mother was a hard nut to crack. She was a housewife with a High School Diploma. My Dad was a Scientist with a Fellowship in Marine Biology. On any given day, my brothers and I took our dad’s side. He wouldn’t say much. He would listen, to our mom and us. I being the rebel child, didn’t hesitate to speak my thoughts. Literally questioned him for taking sh.. from our mother. He would ignore. I never understood. He loved his wife to the extent that he wanted to live till she passed away. He cared about her. He didn’t want to take chances. He didn’t want her to be at the mercy of his children. WE would have never ill treated our mom. Though assured many times that she would be cared as he was if he happened to pass away, didn’t make a dent in his thinking. He said to me that he wanted to live past her. I was not the decision maker. I was not God. I wanted him to die in peace. But he kept repeating that he wanted to live at least till 90. Once I asked him when he was 87 to give me a reason why he prayed to extend his life. His life was lying in bed most of the time after his hip fracture when he was 85. He walked with a walker to the dining table. He was helped with his daily routine by caregivers. He didn’t enjoy reading newspapers (3 of them delivered everyday) nor did he go to the living room to watch TV. I fixed a TV in front of him on the wall,so that he could watch without taking pains to go the living room and just enjoy lying on his bed. It made no difference. Then my mother passed away. He told me that he was ready to go. But his health is great and I don’t see him going anytime soon. Mentally he is ready to go. I am not God. He fulfilled his mission.

Then I came across a Harvard study. A Prospective study of 85 years. Four Directors and currently approx 65 still alive out of 700 plus candidates picked for the study. There was one President of USA.

It was not wealth, fame or power that those who lived longer had the benefit to survive. It was relationships. They found in them, the love and affection that outlived all that any man can achieve and feel proud of. A simple truth which was hard and more than the outside world could remember. Those who gave up on their relationships died younger but they were full of promise. Those who got noticed, appreciated, climbed the ladder of success and looked upon as role models and left people in awe, died earlier. Those who gained materialistic wealth and led a life in pomp and pleasure hurried to fill the graves. But some stood out. When life posed a question of wealth, power and positions against those who lived to make their relationships work to their satisfaction, the latter won hands down each and every time.

I sort of agreed with the findings. Make your relationships work and never give up on this one because your life depends on how you make it work. You don’t want to walk into an empty house after being successful. You don’t want to know how to spend your life after retirement. You want to have that someone next to you to listen and acknowledge the words that tumble out of your mouth as you admire the nature’s beauty, the song of the birds, the sound of water as it falls from a mountain, the people you have come to meet and enjoy their company, the simplicity in everyday life you have come to realize now more than ever, the need that has become your priority more than the comfort and luxury, the thoughts of your afterlife, Our World, God and the reason for our birth.

~Kripa