Having done psychotherapy for years,the most difficult statement was what I captioned it as. I stay fixated on the statement that came out of men and women that destroyed the little hope, the lifeline, the possibility of a second chance and wanted to not believe that it was not over yet but the attitude, behavior, the signs and words that come out are not difficult to understand- My experiences tell me it is over and it happened a long time ago.
But the couples are making themselves available for therapy. Is it a lost cause or a forgone conclusion that the other person finds it hard to assimilate or denial helps to look for the ray of hope that is not there in the first place. It becomes challenging as both appear to work on their issues when I keep thinking that the end result was going to be the same as the beginning except the one who wanted out played along and created a make believe situation that made it look to have tried in good faith and has one more ammunition to back up his/ her decision to call it quits. The sadness is felt because of the naivety of the person who wanted to make it work but the hardened decision from his or her partner gives no room for any maneuvering because the decision had been made and it is just the process one goes through to make the outside world believe that everything was tried but ended up with the same conclusion.
As much regretful it might be for the loser, the facts based on my experience as a therapist, is, the one who wanted out comes back to face what reality presents itself after a few years and desperately tries to make amends for the distrust, lack of connection, vibes, lost love that never rekindled and sex that appeared to be a chore; feeling helpless and finally regretting for the decision made in haste and ends up feeling lost bearing the feeling and the emotion that comes with it to punctuate the destiny one sought but got lost in the ocean as he/she tries to navigate towards the unknown.
I still wonder whether the caption makes any sense- "I Love You But Not In Love With You". It would have been a lot easier if one of the partners said,"F..K you". and I could have done grief therapy without the ordeal. Life goes on.
~Kripa.
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